In a relationship..

..so I made a choice and he chose me too. We are in a relationship and I couldn't be happier. =)

Choices

Dan or Nathan? I thought I made up my mind a few weeks ago that I would stick to Dan and for the most part I did. Nathan is quickly becoming a good good friend and I don't want to ruin that. Well one drunk night we were texting each other back and forth and yeah, its hard to deny there's something there. But we'll see what happens I guess, he's such a good guy and deserves better than I can currently offer him...

Dan..well let's just say things are good with him. He actually came with me when I had to travel for work, that was so sweet of him. I mean he knew I wouldn't be able to spend much time with him due to work but he still came with. We constantly miss each other and try to see each other as much as possible, but with the holidays kicking in full gear, it's going to be hard and I need to realize that. The other day/night I was a bit irritated that he didn't drop by on his way home but I really shouldn't have been. I don't know, I just really really like Dan. I don't even know why because I feel like I have more in common with Nathan. But with Dan, there's just this connection. I can't describe it but when we fool around, it feels different. Dare I say it, it's not sex with him, it feels like we're making..well I don't want to even type it but you get the idea. I'm still waiting on him to make things official but a guy can only wait so long and I feel like Nathan is pursuing me more. He knows the situation and we discussed being friends is more important..but who knows what will happen.

I hate making choices..especially when the choice made can hurt someone else

Refreshing..

So its not confusing, I'm going to assign the boy a name, let's call him Dan. So Dan and I had our first sort of fight, I don't know if you'd call it a fight though. Basically he had told me his friend convinced him to text his ex because the ex had been asking about him. Long story short, he told me that his ex wanted to hangout and naturally I got a bit jealous. Needless to say, it came out and he didn't like it. After he said what he had to say, I did get over it, but it still bugged/bugs him and he confessed that to me. We went over some stuff and I told him why I felt the way I did. I think we got pass it and I told him we're good until he gives me a reason for us to not be good. We established where we are in our "relationship" and we're still not rushing it. I'm further along than he is, but that's okay, I'll give him the time he needs. It just sucks that we live so far apart BUT we do pretty well and see each other at least once a week or once every other week. Mostly more than that though. This thing we got going is definitely refreshing and a good change of pace for me.

In other news, the other guy, let's call him Nathan...is good. I'm trying my best to not develop feelings for him, but he makes it so hard for me. He's away on a trip so that helps that we haven't hung out or talked, save a few texts here and there. Honestly, I have more feelings for Dan, but that's because the thing with Nathan is so new..its whatever really, I'm just going with the flow.

In other other news, I'm devoting myself to my body again because I've been neglecting it and that ain't cool.

Later bros

progress...

So the boy and I have been making progress. He texted me randomly one night confessing that I am now the only guy he has been talking to for awhile. We spent a night last week together and then spent the entire next day together and it was amazing. Just laying next to each other we never wanted to be apart. I have one really cute memory of him to where I was going to do something and he's like don't do it, don't do it and when I replay the moment back in my head, its definitely a cute memorable moment. Something you'd see in one of those lovey dovey shows/movies. We still aren't official but we are at a really good place and we'll see where it goes from here...

...one thing that sucks is I've gotten really close to a new friend of mine. We like seriously went from meeting and barely talking to hanging out and being real good friends. Cut to one night where we went out together and we both crashed at our friends on the couch together and I was like we're cuddling, only because I really like cuddling. Anyways we ended up kissing...no big deal though because we stopped it and I said I can't and he said yeah I don't want to be the other guy...but then I said well my boy is talking to other guys and he told me that. We kissed again but stopped again. Needless to say, this friend was someone I never thought anything about. But that night...something just clicked. Now I don't know, I'm still way into my guy and don't want to ruin anything with him, but my friend is really amazing as well. The text about being the only he's talking to now was sent recently. What do I do?

I think I'm just going to let things progress naturally..

"Angel"

So things are going ok with the boy. He opened up to me and told me he doesn't believe me half the time and it bothered me for a whole day so I told him that the next time we talked. We went back and forth opening up to each other and I think we're at a better place now. Now I'm still pretty insecure about the other guy he's talking to (yes I'm glad he's honest about it) and I don't know why I am because everyone's told me he's not cute. Again, could just be my friends saying that you know. Anyways, the boy doesn't believe the "angel act" I put on, he thinks I'm not normal. I told him honestly, its not an act and I don't play games, but he has a hard time believing that. I went on to explain the past experiences I have and why I am the way I am. Now its really just up to him to believe me or not, right? I'm easing up on him though, I don't want him to be overwhelmed and like I said in my other post, if I move on, then I move on. Not saying I want to move on, but like I said I don't like to play games and he says he doesn't either, but sometimes I feel like he is. Trust is so hard to build and we're working on building it with each other. Slowly I guess right? I like the place we are at, but I don't like feeling insecure and that's all my fault really, it goes away everytime we talk, but when we don't, it comes back. What's wrong with me?

=) =(

Ugh so I've been up and down with my moods, mostly up though. So me and the boy see each other every week at least once if not twice, which is actually really good for how busy we both are and how far apart we are. Anyways, the time we spend together is really amazing, we open up to each other and talk so easily, I'm really comfortable around him and it seems like he is the same with me. There definitely is more of a connection there or at least I feel that way. Anyways he spent the night last night and no we didn't have sex, though we did fool around. I told myself no sex unless we're in a committed relationship and I hope he gets that. We've held hands, which to me is very intimate and I've met his best friend, which is another big thing to me. It may sound like I'm trying to rush things but I'm really not. I like where we are but at the same time would like more. Again really not trying to rush it and I know he's been honest that he is/has talked to other guys and I've been honest too. I just felt so comfortable with him when he spent the night and he even made my bed. It's definitely hard to explain but I don't know, I just see more in him than most guys. At the same time I know he's young and gots a ways to go, but you know, I like to think I'm a catch and for me once I move on, I MOVE ON! I don't like to waste time either and he and I both agreed on that.

Maybe I'm just overthinking things, mainly it happened because I hate seeing when he becomes friends with another gay guy. I know I know so stupid, but dude honestly can you blame me knowing how permsicuous gay guys are? Really, how do you get over it? I keep trying to but I just hate the idea of thinking about a guy I'm seeing, seeing another gay guy. Actually, I've even been jealous with girls I've talked to hanging out with guys I know. Maybe I'm just the jealous type? But really, I do want to get that out of me, so how do you not be jealous? Please anyone tell me so I can learn to be ok with whoever I'm dating, making new "friends."

The boy

Things are going good between me and the boy. We talk here and there when we can. We've seen each other 3 times in the past 2 weeks which is pretty good considering our busy lives and how far we are from each other. I'm hoping to see him this week again. I'm trying to work on my insecurities as I go along because I need to realize that we aren't serious and so he's allowed to do whatever he wants and I can't be jealous, right? I also need to realize with gay guys, they have gay friends but it doesn't mean they're sleeping with them...but it's just so difficult because I now have gay friends and being more exposed to the community, I can see how everyone is connected to everyone through hookups. It's really disturbing to me and it's probably the main thing I hate about the gays. YES HATE, not dislike, HATE. It's gross and it's exactly why gays get a bad rep.

Anyways, so I'm doing good and not rushing things with the boy. He and I have only kissed/made out on 2 of the 3 times we've met up, on the first night and the time after breakfast. I just need to stop being insecure, but it's hard because I'm not use to a guy actually liking me back. I mean he tells me he wants to see me before work so I made the effort to leave for work early. He texts me to come back after we met up. He tells me I'm cute all the time. So yeah I should be confident right? I got issues I know. It's okay, I'm working on it and I'm happy with whats happening right now. I just hope he sees we'd be pretty good for each other right now.

On another note, my friend told me a lot of guys have came up to him and told him that I'm cute...weird because he and I aren't that close so why are they telling him instead of my other friends and weird that I'm getting checked out lol. So not use to it, but I like it. I'm just being me too so that's a plus. Well I got lots to take care of today, hope everyone is doing just as well as me if not better!

I'M OUT, HOLLAH